Playing Big by Tara Mohr, 2014

At the conclusion of Playing Big, Mohr talks about women who have taken her course and consider the ideas paradigm shift in how they approach their lives and careers.  From the first few chapters, this is exactly how I have felt.

I like how Mohr's approach focuses on what to do: listen to your inner mentor/gut, learn to recognize your inner critic who speaks in absolutes and about the future.  Instead of on the negative and what not to do, especially when that something (listening to my inner critic) is something that I've done for decades. 

When I think something is too big to implement or too big of a change, that is my inner critic.  When I hold back and don't share an experience because I don't think it's relevant or that people won't understand, that's my inner critic.  Part of this is tied to the "duality of identity" that I have struggled with all my life.  My inner critic cares too much about what other people think.

My inner mentor is part of something bigger, part of the 'Transition Team' that has the power to really affect outcomes and make an impact. 

Other topics covered in Thinking Big that were not already covered in previous posts:

Communicating with Power - The ones I want to focus on have to do with undermining structure:

• Speak in short sentences
  
• use periods and pause, instead of clause after clause and so on and so on...
• don't pile words on 
  
• will give me time to breath and stay centered while allowing listener time to absorb
• Don't disguise statements in form of a question
• does not sound like I have a point of view
• ideas, important points & astute observations are hidden

Other communication notes: instead of "Does this make sense?" which I use often... use "What do you think?"  (things I used to do was use words like "just" and "quick" until I read why they were not empowering, and a previous mentor had told me once that I uptalked, which I made a conscious effort not to do)

Let it Be Easy -  "I became motivated not by self-criticism or wanting to change how I was seen, but by tender friendship with myself and wanting to change how I felt."

 

Motivation based on compassion to myself instead of shame or guilt; 'gift goals' and not 'should goals'

Where we think we need self-discipline, we need more self-love.  Create this through routines and rituals that we set up to enable that changes we desire to happen naturally and with ease.  Turn gift goals into the default behavior. 

Hiding - Collecting and curating what everyone else has to say.  Over-relying on what other people say.  Omitting my own story.  Need to share my story (and accomplishments!) more.

As Monica shared with me from one of her friend's dad who was an executive when she was just starting out in consulting: No one in the room knows the answer.  People have different credentials and experiences, but are figuring things out just like everyone else.  I need to have an opinion and contribute to finding answers.

First of many Leaps.  Bean bags for my daughter.

Leaping - Similar to agile software

development, leaping is taking an iterative approach to things, throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.  Get feedback early. 

Leap criteria for thinking big is manageable, something that can be described in a short phrase, something started and completed in 1-2 weeks.

Calling - Don't underestimate the level of expertise that I do have.  Don't assume I need to be an expert to make a valuable contribution.  "cross-trainers" -> people who are experts in their fields (e.g. PM, processes, scalability) and apply that expertise/lends to a new field.

When reading about Leaping, Calling and Let it Be Easy, my thoughts focused on my personal life.  On the hobbies and crafts that I've let fall by the wayside, and my interest/calling in supporting the Chinese immigrant community. 

I've realized my calling since I was in my 20s and have volunteered and donated here and there, and am ready to make supporting and giving back to the community my default behavior