I read How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith two years ago. It's interesting to see the shift and changes in my behavior and outlook reading the book again.
My mission statement from two years ago was about making teams become more efficient by developing processes that drive results.
My mission statement today focuses on the same theme, but includes change management, especially given my last year with my company: Drive and operationalize change to create a collaborative, transparent and process driven culture.
Now, particularly going through the Leadership Development Program, I get the importance of self-promotion, leveraging v building relationships.
I am one of those women who is too hard on herself, but it is ebbing away. I feel the need to always know the details, to be on top of everything and need to realize it's ok to not know. To pause and take a breath before answering a question or responding to a statement.
Part of the need to be perfect ties into my habit of passing judgment, feeling the need to impose my standard on others. Passing judgment only negatively impacts me, magnifying my own self-criticism or inner critic.
When dealing with my team members, I need to let things unfold instead of jumping in to provide guidance. I know my team members' strengths and flaws and need to accept their flaws.
Now, the 12 habits holding women back:
Habit 1: Reluctance to Claim Accomplishments
Not wanting to seem like a blowhard is the inner critic/either-or mentality. Ability to gain recognition/call out achievements is a Playing Big exercise. You don't get anywhere without being bold.
I have improved over the years but will continue to work on this. Not just claiming accomplishments, but recognizing how big the accomplishments are & that not everyone can achieve what I have achieved throughout my positions and career. The Art of Self-Promotion.
When someone gives me a complement, I should accept it while highlighting my skills and experience. I need to be clear on the value that I add (ability to drive change, breaking massive initiatives down into manageable pieces, leading teams to focus & achieve objectives).
Habit 2: Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contribution
I should not let myself off the hook for not advocating for myself. Being modest does not make me a more moral or superior person. Like a product, I need to market and sell myself. Throughout the day, during meetings, I should think, how do I get myself noticed?
Habit 3: Overvaluing Expertise
Focusing on being an expert at my current job is a great way to keep me at my current job... I should do my job well enough while focusing on building visibility and relationships. Top jobs always require managing and leading people who are experts. A leader's job is not to provide expertise but to manage and lead the experts. As we move higher, having answers is less important than relationships.
Habit 4: Building Rather Than Leveraging Relationships
I GET this now... This did not resonate with me when I read How Women Rise two years ago. My self-interest is a worthy goal and engaging in leverage is a win-win situation.
A habit of Geoff's that I noticed is his tendency to look people up on LinkedIn. Now, I find myself doing this as well. It's a helpful way to understand someone's background to determine how to build a relationship that I can then leverage.
Habit 5: Failing to Enlist Allies From Day 1
Before beginning a project/initiative/job, I should think about and focus on who do I need to connect with to make this project/initiative/job a success? I should identify five people who will be helpful in my role and career, and build (I mean, leverage...!) relationships with them.
Habit 6: Putting Job Before Career
Managing a team superbly shows great management skills. I should focus on promotional skills, getting recognition from the larger organization. Extend external relationships in a way that servers the larger organization. How does my disdain for politicking serve me? It doesn't...
Habit 7: The Perfection Trap
This trap results on me being too hard on myself. It prevents risk-taking, which is essential for an organization (and me) to grow. At home, if I make it a habit to help Mia when she's trying something new, it takes away the opportunity for her to learn and grow.
Habit 8: The Disease To Please
I have worked on this throughout my 30s and am still a people-pleaser... I have become more comfortable letting go of this, but still have more to work on here. Mostly, it's ok to not know the answer. To pause and think and admit if I don't know something.
Habit 9: Minimizing
My worst habit is verbal minimizing - ending a sentence on a rising note. Drifting off and not finishing a sentence. This makes me sound uncertain and a good way for me NOT to be heard. I need to finish a sentence firm, as a statement.
I need to practice my tone of voice - no uplifting, sounding and being decisive. A good way to do this is to be fully present. To take a breath. To learn the ability to rest and hold my space.
Habit 10: Too Much
Feeling and identifying emotions gives you power. Reacting to what you are feeling squanders it... I need to focus on being confident, measured and authentic. When I notice that I am rambling (too many words!), I need to pause and take a breath. And go back to be fewer words, being concise.
I should talk about my ideas without getting distracted by the tactical elements.
Habit 11: Ruminating
I put too much energy into re-writing events. I have gotten infinitely better about this and not caring as much when I make a mistake. Ruminating is counterproductive for two reasons: 1) it makes me feel worse and 2) gets in the way of resolving problems.
Similar to how I think about feedback, what happened in the part that I am rethinking has nothing to do with me. Moving on is they key, similar to giving feedback: Stick & Move.
The book talks about the story of two monks who come across a distressed bride who needs to cross a stream but does not want to ruin her wedding dress. One monk carries the bride across the stream, breaking the rule that monks are not allowed contact with females. His fellow monk is agitated for the rest of the day, sharing the story with the other monks. It is the monk who is agitated for the remainder of the day who is still carrying the woman. The other monk, he has left the woman at the stream.
Habit 12: Letting Radar Distract You
A strength is my well-developed radar, being attuned to different people and personalities. This works against me when I read too much into something. I need to channel the right side of my brain and keep focus, demonstrate leadership presence. Have an opinion, and drive and influence the conversation, not get distracted.
Misc take-aways:
How Women Rise also talks about peer mentoring. I need to take advantage of this and ask people to let me know if I am uptalking. If I could have been more direct. If I talked too fast.
I disagree with the author's stance that women should be role models for other women, that this is an additional burden for women. The reality is that there are unconscious biases in the workplace and to give back is something worth the 'burden'.
